There's a First Time in a Long Time for Everything

Last night, for the first time in a looooong time, I played first horn in a concert in a real orchestra.

It was just this tiny little overture ("La Primavera" Overture by "the Mexican Bellini" Beristáin)--I really hardly have the right to be blogging about it, but nevertheless, here I am.

It was a very valuable experience.

I'm reminding of a post Spot did a few years ago where he said something about it not being good when playing first doesn't feel normal. You want it to just feel usual, no biggie. (I would link the post directly but Spot has been blogging for a a quarter of my lifetime, and I just don't have the kind of time it would take to find that particular post. I have no doubt he'll jump in and provide the link if he feels it's at all important.)

Well, it didn't feel normal, but it felt OK. It is so very different than playing in a section, it's almost like they should pay you more or something. ;)

What struck me especially was how much more you have to which to pay attention. When you are playing second horn, as long as the first is playing, you pretty much focus all your attention on the first. As long as you match them exactly, you're doing your job.

Well, OK, there are a lot of other things you have to be aware of, but at least you have your priorities neatly lined up for you- Objective No. 1: Match first horn. Objective No. 2-28: A bunch of other stuff.

But when you're playing first the priorities keep changing: Bars 1-3: Match first oboe, Bars 4-6: Lead, Bars 7-9: Tune to piccolo, Bars 10-12: Fit into brass sound, Bars 13-15: Cellos, Bars 16-18: Lead, Bars 19-21: Bassoons and Clarinets, Bar 22: Stay with conductor, and on and on and on. It's incredibly interesting, satisfying, and mentally exhausting when you are not accustomed.

The other big realization I had on the first real concert of my new job playing high horn, not just first, but third, which is really my job here, is that you simply cannot be afraid to miss notes. It's not an option.

Firstly, the reality is that you are going to miss sometimes. You play the horn, it's part of the package and there's nothing you can do about it.

Secondly, if you are thinking at all about missing, you're chances of doing exactly that increase threefold. This seems to ring even truer for high horn playing, probably because, due to the nature of the harmonic series, the chances of missing are higher up there. (Maybe that's why they call it "high" horn?)

Thirdly, if you play not to miss, and you don't miss, it sounds like playing not to miss--- note (whew, glad I didn't miss that)-note (whew, lucked out again)-note, etc.

Not exactly why I play music.

However, if you play to phrase, to express, to enjoy your sound, to create atmosphere, to collaborate with surrounding sounds, and all of that delicious music stuff, and you do miss, well, it still sounds delicious.

Just for the record, it sounds more delicious when you don't miss.

But you simply can't be afraid to miss.

So, the first time in a long time playing first was, in conclusion, a fantastic learning experience. I hope I get more of them.

It was also the first time in a long time I have played a concert wearing a long sleeve shirt. It's cold here at night! It's awesome!

On Thursday night I went to a yoga class, and for the first time in a looooong time I feel asleep during shavasana. I think that says more about my mental state in the last...well, long time...than anything. Doing yoga on a regular basis is valuable not only because of the shape it gets you in and the way it helps you breathe, but because it reveals to you so much about yourself and your current state. You can start to see patterns and from that make decisions to significantly influence your mental and physical states.

Most of my shavasanas in August through October were full of anxiety about my current job situation. October-December: anxiety about my lack of a job situation. December-February: anxiety about my new job situation. February: sleep. This is good.

Today is my 2-year anniversary of being in Mexico. For the first time in a long time I am in one place for awhile, and I'm starting to see that I could be truly happy here. This is also good.