Ambiguous Thoughts Inspired by a Particular Event

Yesterday afternoon we were playing La Boutique Fantasque (a cool piece by Respighi/Rossini). And then the lights went out!

It was a nice moment. Especially because we had just arrived at this unison descending chromatic passage, and when the lights went out everyone just sort of extended it, kept going down in half steps, an instinctual musical response to the subito darkness. Aside from just being really funny (because music can be that, you know), it got me thinking. 80+ people from all kinds of backgrounds thrown together on a stage, and in that moment the majority of them made the same choice.

So, the moral of the story? We're all in this together. Like it or not, we are. If the basses miss their entrance, it's part of what I'm doing. If I blow a lick, it matters to the other 80+. And all the good things, which is actually most of what we're putting out, matter for everyone too. It's a nice feeling. And it also can be hard, and fucking scary.

Sometimes my friends ask me why musicians are "so crazy." I think it's because we're so vulnerable. So intimate. So together. You sit down, squeak out notes, and put yourself out there. It's a nice feeling. And hard. And fucking scary.

But those are the worthy things. To look someone in the eyes and tell them the truth, even if they don't want to hear it. To show up, even though you're dreading it all day. To stay calm, and trust, and stick to who you know yourself to be and know what you want, and remember that it will all be alright. To keep your mouth shut when it's the right thing to do. To see the bright side. To give or take space. To reach deep down and find the guts to do it. It's hard and it's exhilarating.

Everyone knows what I'm talking about- it's different for everyone, different specifics, but then it's the same. We're all in this together.

I'm working through some stuff lately, so please excuse the rambling. But it's worth it, and I've always enjoyed work, so it's not so bad. So I'm going to keep showing up, keep trusting, and keep reaching.

More to come...