Long Tones: Thoughts on Patience

I am not a patient person. I could try to convince you that I am. I might have some good examples to use as evidence. I bet that some people I know would even argue that I am patient. After all, they might say, look at the profession you've chosen. One does not choose to sit in a substantially large group of people and be told what to do for a living if they are not patient.

But nope, I'm definitely not patient. I'm actually impatient to a point that patient people often drive me nuts. I know...patience is a virtue, blah blah blah. But when it comes down to it, for me, waiting around for stuff to happen is flat-out really annoying.

I'm actually waiting for my roommates right now- we are going bowling and were supposed to be there 3 minutes ago. Of course, we're back on Yucatacen time, so it doesn't matter. But man are they taking forever. I almost got up to coax them along, but I'll stay here and write this, like a little experiment.

I started doing long tones again yesterday. It has been a looong time since I've done loooong tones on a regular basis, and I think that is a very big problem given the state of my playing. It's ridiculous really. What are my biggest challenges as a player? Sound. Loud playing. Too much tension. Efficient use of air. What is the answer to all of those things? Duh.

For those of you who don't know, long tones are exactly what they sound like. You play a tone for a long time. The way I do it is first I play the note pianissimo for 10 counts (seconds, really) then crescendo and decrescendo for 8 counts, then crescendo for 8, then fortissimo for 8, then decrescendo for 12 and hold as long as possible. Then you change notes. 11 notes in all. That's....10+8+8+8+12=46x11, 460 seconds or just over 7 minutes. Of holding notes.

Actually, now that I've done the math, it's not so bad. It seems much longer while you're doing it. Aha, such is impatience. About 3 notes in I find myself longing (heh heh, no pun intended) to be done, eye-ing the last note, wondering if maybe I could just skip ahead. Who would know, after all? I have to keep reaching inside of myself for an inch more of self-discipline. I have to stay aware of what's going on in my body, keep demanding better tone, more relaxation from myself. I have to resist boredom, because really there's so much going on it would be crazy to be bored. I have to enjoy the moment, really, otherwise I'll just quit and go check "musicalchairs." (A tad ironic, no?)

Undoubtedly, when I finish, I am a much much better horn player. And only 7 minutes! Not only does it help so many areas of my playing, but it's actually a satisfying experience of being human, something about having survived and overcome the impatience monster.

The biggest problem with impatience is it impedes you from realizing that right now is everything. I mean really, this moment is your life. And this one. And this one. And if I spent the last three moments worrying about the next three, then I lost those three. And so on and so on. And that is quite disconcerting to me.

I am a forward looking person, which is a virtue and a hindrance. I think it keeps me optimistic, active, engaged, accomplished. But it also makes me miss a lot. So, that's what I'm working on, presently. Appreciating the now, whether it's a long tone or a rainy day. The future is important, but it's not everything, and it will happen when it happens, whether I anxiously anticipate it or not.