Last night I heard the this string quartet give a concert. They are a quartet consisting of basically the best string players in our orchestra. Joining them in their concert last night was CC, an internationally recognized soloist and chamber player, and also our guest concertmaster (he comes once in a while to play concertmaster, solo with our orchestra, and give other various recitals).
As I listened to the first half of the program (a Barber string quartet and a piece by contemporary Mexican composer Silvestre Revueltas) my mouth hung open. I kept thinking, I can't believe I get to play with these guys every day! Their presentation of the music was impressive- it had all the essential elements of good ensemble playing, but nevermind that, it was ART. It is not often that I get so wrapped up in the music, the energy of what the composer wants to say, that I forget about hearing things like intonation and articulation agreement. But last night I was taken over by purely the music, not the techinque behind it, and I loved it! There were so many phrases I did not want to end, I felt my body's physical sensations actually affected by the music, I was in love with the sound of a string quartet. This was my experience of the concert.
So afterwards, I gathered with the musicians that had played (my friends, lucky me!) and others that had attended the concert. When I went to congratulate the cellist he responded with, "Thanks. It was a bit of a mess, wasn't it?" My euphoric bubble burst and was replaced with a mist of complete self-consciousness. What if I hadn't heard all the mistakes? What if my ears aren't good enough to catch how out of tune it was? What if I'm so poor of a musician that what I thought was great playing was actually bad playing?? So I replaced my planned extensive praise with, "Well, I really enjoyed it" so as not to look like a complete fool of a colleague because he thought it was bad and I thought it was fantastic.
I've noticed this a number of times since I've arrived on the scenes of my first professional orchestra job: it is a lot safer to criticize than to compliment. People can sit around complaining about this guy's baton technique, that guy's tone quality, this guy's out of tune thirds all day, but if someone wants to say something positive it's like they are sticking their neck out. For me, the ever-optimist, this is frustrating.
We sat around for a while discussing the concert. All of these guys have about 10 years (of age and experience) on me. Lucky for me they still let me hang out with them, so I'm trying to just take in as much knowledge as possible, while maintaining my fresh perspective. It's true, the final piece on the program was a little shaky, and not as convincing as the others. But I was still shocked how critical these guys were of themselves, when I had really been musically fulfilled. And it makes me wonder, is your perception of the music at all separate from your own mood and approach? Is it at all possible to listen to music objectively?
I guess the problem is we always think we could have done better. My solution is this- after a concert, enjoy what you did. When you go back into the practice room or the rehearsal hall look at it again critically and improve, for of course we want to learn from our mistakes and keep striving for that elusive perfect performance. But in the moments after a performance, accept the compliments! Be grateful for what you did accomplish, after all, you never know how much somebody enjoyed it, and you don't want to ruin it for them!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
This makes me laugh because it happens to me all the time. In fact I joke about it with my friends. It goes like this... "Wow, that was a really great performance," I complimented. The performer responds, "Man, I have no respect for you anymore." If you want to be safe you could say, "I enjoyed your performance," or "congratulations on your performance." See, you're really not saying that it was good, so if the performer thinks it sucked, you're off the hook. Three years ago I played (horn) on Bach's B minor Mass for the first time. Those who aren't horn players may not know that the horn sits for about 45 minutes and then plays only the Quonium then there's an intermission and the horn player goes home. Now I have to admit that the only part of the B minor Mass that I know is the Quonium. The rest I just heard on the dress rehearsal and two performances and I was not paying that much attention because I did not want to yodle the first two notes after sitting for 45 minutes. A week after the performance I bumped into one of the three piccolo trumpet players and decided to pay them a compliment. I said, "you guys sounded great." He/she responded, "are you joking?" "No," I said, "I thought it sounded good." "That was terrible!!!" he/she moaned. How could you say it was good? I missed so many notes and I've been crying every night for a week, I was so ashamed." What could I say but, "It sounded good to me."
Generally, you will find that musicians are often a negative bunch! Or, at least wry and self-deprecating about their performances. This has been my experience over the past thirty years, anyway.
Perhaps it is due to the fact that musicians have to hone their "self-critical" skills early on in their training. As children, they take lessons on their instruments where teachers are often critical. Many times, negativity is reinforced by teachers saying "DON'T do that!" before saying "Do THIS".
And then music is also a very competitive field; many players vying for the same positions. But mostly, musicians compete against THEMSELVES.
I've often thought that musicians should strive to be as gracious as possible following performances, when listeners approach them with compliments. Early on in my career, I had imitated the negative response that I'd seen other players exhibit, and the person issuing the compliments always looked crestfallen.
I vowed to change this attitude from that moment forward; that I would simply say, "Thank you!" and smile after someone complimented me -- even if I felt that there had been "problems" or "issues" in my performance.
This works like a charm. And hey, my performances actually got BETTER!
Please continue to develop your positive attitude. Work on preserving that natural sense of wonder about the magic of music as you go through your career. This may prove to be challenging; musicians can become jaded. It has always been difficult to balance out the "fun" of making music with it also being a "JOB".
But it *IS* possible!
I've felt the same dichotomy myself often, even in the context of a performance where the mistakes were obvious. I don't know if I'm unusual in this regard, but I find that I often hear more emotion and involvement (despite technical issues) in the playing of younger, even student musicians, than in the performances of seasoned veterans. The conventional analysis of this is to attribute it to the rise of recorded music. The idea is that in the olden days, expression was more important, but the arrival of recording and editing created an expectation of technical perfection, which has been pursued at the expense of other musical values.
Post a Comment