Worry Wart

I've been kind of a worry wart lately. In an age of cell phones, wireless internet, and Facebook, when someone is out of communication for more than 5 days you start to wonder. And then you start to worry.

My grandparents are the biggest worriers. (Speaking of my grandparents, my mom just informed me that she prints out my blog posts and mails them to them, since they are not "online." How cute is that? Hi guys! Love you and miss you!) Really, they worry if you are two minutes late. I've taken to calling them on the way to their house to say I'll be there in half an hour when really it's more like 15 minutes, just so they won't worry so much when I'm not early. They wouldn't make it in Mexico, where "6:00" means anywhere fom 6:15 to 6:45. But I'm getting away from my point.

My mother is a pretty big worrier herself. I actually really admire her for letting me go all around the world without too many panic attacks. The look on her face when I told her I was going to Mexico City at the ripe old age of 19 was not one of excitement. Nor when I got the news I'd be going on tour to Venezuela, Colombia and Argentina the next year. Or moving to Mexico a year after that. Or wanting to go to Cuba. ;)

So let's see...grandparents? Worriers. Mother? Worrier. Father? Semi-worrier. ME? Oh shit, I'm a worrier too.

Now it's true, I've been able to deny this fact for a good long time. I can roll my eyes at my mother's concerns, play it extra-cool when talking about my travels, be young and carefree.

But it's time to confess. I've been a worry wart my whole life.

Back in the days before a driver's license, when my parents would pick me up from rehearsals, if they were more than 5 minutes late I would start freaking out, sure that they had been in a car accident and were at that very moment gasping their last breaths in a hospital somewhere. Of course that was never the case, but the pictures running through my mind were gruesome.

Worry in Spanish is preocupación, which is a word that doesn't look too unfamiliar to English speakers either. But it's worth picking apart. Pre- (before) occupation (taking possession), or "a taking possession beforehand." And isn't this, after all, exactly what worry is. Taking possession of the situation in your mind, before you have any idea what's actually going on.

As human beings (or maybe this is just me?!?) we are obsessed with resolving situations. Explanations, reasons, excuses, closure, wrapping things up are all essential to our fragile illusion of having peace of mind. So, if you don't know what's going on with something, because something out of the ordinary occurred, you make something up. You "take hold of the situation" before knowing it in reality. And usually you insert the worst.

So, I got stood up on Friday and I haven't heard from him since. Insert the worst here.

Unfortunately, in this situation, there are many "the worst" possibilities.

1) He completely stood me up and doesn't care, thus not calling to explain/apologize and making me never want to see him again.
2) He totally forgot and is a super-flake who I don't really want to invest any more time in.
3) He is in the hospital or worse.
4) He plans to never see or talk to me again, out of the blue, AND he has my flash drive cable.
5) Friday plans were totally casual, not firm, as is our relationship (which is great!) and I am a clueless weirdo that didn't understand that.

I really do not want to be worrying about this, it's a pain in the neck. But I cannot help it, and I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. Any counseling on this item is welcome.

And then, to top it all off, I am reminded that terrible things actually do happen to people in your circle of the world.

It is nice to go through the world thinking that stuff like that will never happen to you or anyone you care about (no diseases, sudden deaths, kidnappings, serious crimes). Really, how would we survive any other way? But the truth is, these things do happen, and to all of us. I have known many people who have passed on, a few much too soon. This has happened and will continue to happen. This is bad news, but I guess part of maturing is seeing this, and accepting this aspect of life.

And worrying.