It's Not About the Audition

I went to NYC for an audition this weekend. I traveled 12 hours, one way and spent $100+ and 35,000 frequent flyer miles total. I played a total of 10 minutes, well 7 probably--3 of them I was either emptying water, breathing deeply and getting into excerpt character, counting rests, or chatting with the panel.

I got back to work today and everyone said "How did it go?" and I said fine, well, ok, great, or whatever I said. A large part of me wants to overanalyze: My high range was kickin'. My lip trill got stuck. My Mozart was solid, and pretty. My Ravel was alright, the second time. My Heldenleben was bad at the beginning, not bad at the end. My Shostakovich 5 was not the best I've ever played it. My Short Call was. But there's no point, because I have no idea what they heard, what they were looking for, or how they will make any sort of decision, or even what decision there is to make (is there even a possibility of a horn opening in NWS next September?)

Lucky for me, this weekend was not really about my audition. I mean, that's why I went, but it was more of an excuse to do something, and a motivator to keep practicing. I think that if I was investing all that for 7 minutes I would have quit this thing long ago. Rather, the weekend was about a lot of other very pleasant experiences, mostly about people. As I mature, I'm realizing more and more how important people and my relationships with them are to me. I used to think of myself as an outgoing introvert, but more and more I think that I just adore so many friendships that that can't really be true.

The weekend was about having my new "boyfriend" (still a bit uncomfortable with the term) drop me off at the airport. It was about crashing in an amazing loft in Brooklyn with two friends I've known going on 10 years. It was about having a schwanky brunch in NY in the morning, and then a schwanky dinner in the evening. It was about meeting up with an old horn playa' friend and walking down memory lane in a cafe we happened to stumble upon called Sweet Sunshine or something ridiculously cheesy and lovely. It was knowing every single person in the warm up room while I waited for my audition, and being pleasantly surprised by the appearance of one of my favorite cellists (in personality and playing) who I then met for drinks later. It was raiding a sheet music store with another good friend, who happened to be in town for the same audition. It was getting to see "where it all happens" at Vera Wang, since my dear friend is an Associate Designer there. It was enjoying the sights and sounds of New York, feeling like a kid in a candy store, overwhelmed with the variety, the size, the hustle, the fashion, the everything. It was feeling appreciative and alive of everything going on around me. It was having a fascinating conversation with a business man on the plane ride home. It was getting picked up at the airport by aforementioned "boyfriend." It was being happy to come "home."

Now, I realize some would say that until it's all about the audition I probably won't win one. And that may or may not be true. But for now all I know is that I really love playing the horn, I'm doing a lot of it here, while still scheming about things to come. I learned some important things preparing for this weekend, and now I have the time to take them on. I have a job doing what I love to do and it provides me the resources to continue pursuing a higher level.

Let's just say, for now, I can't complain. :)